just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
