So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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