My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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