can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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