Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
