i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
