Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Semen is not good for contacts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
