can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize