I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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