did you get engaged???
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
