I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
