census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
