I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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