I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize