i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
