i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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