I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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