hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
