I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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