bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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