Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
