I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
