chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
