dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
