I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know her cup size but not her name....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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