considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
