oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
