Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
