I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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