they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
