Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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