I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
