Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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