all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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