Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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