Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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