i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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