that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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