I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
