Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
