So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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