How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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