Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize