I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
