So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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