stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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