Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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