thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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