i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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