Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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