i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
