So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
