I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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