Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
