I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Even my vagina gasped.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
me + whiskey = a bad person
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
