I'm really into asian looking animals
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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