: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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