I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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