And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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