i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize