I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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