final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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