LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
